Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? Page 3

  After orgasm, both men and women release the chemicals oxytocin, prolactin, gamma amino butyric acid (GABA), and endorphins. Each of these contributes to that roll-over-and-snore feeling. They seem to be secreted in equal amounts in men and women, but we all know who orgasms more frequently.

  The hormone oxytocin is known to have several effects including establishment of maternal behavior, stimulation of uterine smooth muscle contraction at birth, and stimulation of milk ejection (milk letdown). It is also referred to as “the cuddling hormone” since it tends to elicit the need to be close and bond but not in a sexual way. In one study, oxytocin was shown to inhibit male sexual behavior in prairie voles. Maybe it’s the oxytocin that makes us feel satiated and rested after a good romp.

  Prolactin is another player in the sex/sleep conundrum. It is produced in the pituitary gland and its best known function is the stimulation of milk production. Prolactin is believed to relieve sexual arousal after orgasm and take your mind off sex. Levels of prolactin rise during sleep and some patients with prolactin-secreting tumors report frequent sleepiness. So prolactin seems like it may be a culprit too.

  Gamma amino butyric acid (GABA) and endorphins also both have a calming effect and may make you pass out post-sex.

  The tantric answer is that the male orgasm releases outward energy or jing, while the female orgasm is an inward explosion.

  Last but not least, we have Grandma’s reasoning. It is thought that exertion during sex and after climax depletes the muscles of energy-producing glycogen. This leaves men feeling sleepy. Since men have more muscle mass than women, men become more tired after sex. Also (believe it or not!) women don’t always have an orgasm, and that keeps them from producing all those other hormones we just talked about.

  Hmmm…maybe Grandma was right.

  9:53 A.M.

  Gberg: Good morning.

  Leyner: Good morning…won’t you light my candle????

  Gberg: We need to figure out the new title.

  Gberg: You didn’t like “Why Do Women Have Voiding Dysfunction and De Novo Detrusor Instability After Colposuspension?”

  Leyner: I e-mailed you asking how you could have kept that pithy, memorable, ultra-catchy piece of pop heroin to yourself all this time.

  Leyner: Did you see any of the whole Oprah drama/debacle?

  9:55 A.M.

  Gberg: I think we are next.

  Gberg: She is going to confront us on the veracity of our nipples.

  Leyner: I can’t wait to be confronted on the veracity of anything and everything I’ve ever written. That guy is such a pathetic abject pussy…

  Gberg: Frey? Yeah, but he is a very rich pussy now!

  Leyner: I’ve NEVER told the truth in my life. EVER. It’s my badge of honor. As a thief and a renegade.

  Gberg: I can hear “Born to be Wild” playing in the background.

  Gberg: That or some Debbie Gibson song.

  Leyner: Someone was complaining that even after (or because) of that telehumiliation, he’s numero uno on Amazon this morning…And this indignant commentator went on to say…

  Leyner: We live in a time when even the endorsement of Osama bin Laden can make a book a best seller!

  Leyner: I want some Chechen mafioso to endorse our new book.

  Gberg: It doesn’t matter what they say. If the book is mentioned on TV there is a Pavlovian response to buy.

  Gberg: We need endorsements from labor unions and GLAAD.

  Leyner: Did you read about that new prion disease in deer…some sort of “wasting” disease…but they think its etiology is similar to mad cow…

  10:00 A.M.

  Gberg: Sounds like the beginning of a bad science joke.

  Leyner: We need endorsement from Hamas and Dom Delloise.

  Leyner: How does one spell Dom Delloise?

  Gberg: Dom DeLuise

  Leyner: If you can’t go out with your crossbow and impale Bambi’s dad and then go home and butcher and gorge on it with a bunch of inbred Appalachian hydrocepahlic morons and NOT have the expectation of safety and healthy good eatin’…then this country is going to fucking hell in a handbasket, my friend.

  Gberg: That sounds like an ad campaign for Appalachian travel.

  Leyner: Hey…if we mention Appalachian travel in the new book…maybe we’ll all get free travel and accommodations to…APPALACHIA!!!!! You, me, and the girls!!!!!!!

  Gberg: Yeah, baby.

  Gberg: Back to the title. I am not a big fan of the new one

  Leyner: We can hunt and drink…kinda Brokeback, dude…catchin’ the vibe?

  Gberg: Back off.

  Leyner: Just testing the waters…

  10:05 A.M.

  Leyner: Why Do Men Pass Out After Sex?

  Leyner: I could live with it. But…tell me what other people said about it.

  Gberg: I researched the sleep and sex thing and there isn’t any good answer. We can talk about different hormones and Tantric sex but no clear science.

  Leyner: Let’s look into it a little more before we toss it…there’s something appealing about it to me…and this is after I was VERY skeptical about it…but it sort of “grew on me.”

  Gberg: Like a fungus.

  Gberg: Hey, give me a call at home, let’s talk, and then I have to go to work.

  Leyner: We don’t talk enough about fungal infections.

  Leyner: I mean our society as a whole.

  Gberg: Onychomycosis.

  10:10 A.M.

  Gberg: Mycotic aneurysms.

  Leyner: Es-plain that to me. What sort of infection is that?

  Gberg: My Cousin Vinny.

  Leyner: Ooooh, Doctor…talk dirty to me…

  Gberg: Onychomycosis=Nail fungus.

  Leyner: Oh…right…nail fungus!!

  Leyner: Good!

  Gberg: Beware the manicure/pedicure with dirty tools.

  Leyner: Is this in the book?

  Gberg: There is one question about pedicures, I think.

  Gberg: I will check.

  Gberg: Give me a call so I can start my day.

  Leyner: You’re not implying that all those cute adorable luscious lusting Korean manicurists are in this country at the behest of the evil Kim Jong Il in order to spread onychomycosis to all Americans, are you?

  Gberg: Exactly.

  Leyner: OK, I’ll call you in a moment or two. Bye-bye birdie.

  Gberg: Adios.

  Gberg: Wish I could say good-bye in Korean.

  Leyner: Wait, I was just reading Carrie’s e-mail.

  Gberg: And?

  Leyner: I’m going to write her back that I much prefer “pass out.”

  Gberg: I think fall asleep is fine. I prefer it to pass out

  Leyner: I know you do. Tell her. Let her sort it all out.

  Gberg: She is interested in seeing the intros we wrote. Should we send them or should we make her suffer and wait to the last minute to see everything?

  Gberg: I know how you like to torture her.

  Leyner: I don’t have a problem with her reading what we wrote the other day. Let’s send them. You agree?

  Gberg: Yes. What was that thing you read in the paper that you wanted me to look at?

  Leyner: It was in yesterday’s NYT…

  Leyner: “Scientists Find Gene That Controls Type of Earwax in People.”

  Gberg: You should have been an earwax geneticist!

  Leyner: I also want to add a castration/voice change question.

  Gberg: We should have a whole eunuch chapter.

  Leyner: Earwax geneticist? It’s never too late…but I don’t want to go back to school, remember?

  Gberg: Maybe even write a whole eunuch book and a sitcom.

  Gberg: You can get any degree online.

  Leyner: Maybe we should have a patient see us who just wants them cut off…y’know can’t deal with the desire and futile search for a mate, etc. etc.

  Gberg: Don’t joke. Remember the story of the schizophrenic guy who cut his off.

&n
bsp; Leyner: Self-orchi-something or other…

  Gberg: No, a guy who I saw at the hospital who cut off his penis and flushed it down the toilet.

  Leyner: What’s the fancy-shmancy word for removal of the testicle…it’s orch-something.

  Gberg: Orchiectomy.

  Gberg: Sounds like a pasta.

  Leyner: Thanks, chief.

  Gberg: Chef.

  DO MEN SLEEP MORE THAN WOMEN?

  Are those men who conked out after sex still asleep?

  Actually, some authorities believe that women are biologically programmed to sleep better than men. Estrogen tends to decrease the number of awakenings after you finally fall asleep and also increases total sleep time. Unfortunately, menopause and pregnancy throws off this advantage.

  In the Bruskin Research survey of one thousand Americans ages eighteen and older, one of five men ages eighteen to thirty-four concede they take longer than an hour to fall asleep. Also, more than 30 percent of men in that age group admit to falling asleep at work, clearly making up for time lost during their primary nocturnal sleep.

  As we discussed earlier, snoring and sleep disordered breathing is more common in men than women and this also adds to the dozing dysfunction of men.

  Researching this one’s made me a little sleepy. I think it’s time for a nap…

  DO MEN HAVE SHORTER ATTENTION SPANS THAN WOMEN?

  We’ve been trying to answer this question for weeks now, but we can’t seem to concentrate long enough to write anything.

  One thing that we do know for certain is that attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) occurs primarily in males. The male to female ratio has been reported to be as high as 9:1.

  Did you ever notice that…squirrels never fall out of trees…and where do all the dead pigeons go?…uh…wait…weren’t we supposed to be answering a question about…what was it…?

  Actually, there’s no more information about gender differences in attention spans, so you’ll have to ponder this one on your own.

  WHY DO WOMEN LIVE LONGER THAN MEN?

  Life expectancy varies from country to country and people definitely live longer in developed nations than in the third world. But, one of the constants in almost all countries is that women outlive men. In the United States the average life expectancy for men is 74.5 years, while women can expect to be around for 79.9 years.

  There are many theories about the reason for female longevity, and since a complete answer would require an entire book, we will try to summarize. There really are two separate questions:

  Why do men die so young? Why do women live so long?

  The available evidence points toward evolution, behavior, and biology. In terms of evolution, women are helped by the need to live long enough to raise their children, while men wear themselves out competing for the right to procreate. Behavioralists point out that around the time of puberty through the twenties, men are three times more likely to die than women. Most of the male fatalities are caused by reckless behavior or violence. In the older age group, behavior-related fatalities are still more common among men. Illnesses related to smoking and alcohol consumption also kill more men than women. Lastly there are some strong biological factors that favor women. Heart disease targets men more readily, and is the main cause of the gender gap in this arena.

  The gender discrepancy is most pronounced in the very old. Among centenarians worldwide, women outnumber men nine to one. The good news for the men out there is that if you make it past one hundred, you will definitely have your pick of the litter at the nursing home.

  CHAPTER 2

  IN THE KITCHEN

  It’s another day at the office and Leyner has yet to arrive. Our first appointment is with Judd Wilson (names are changed to comply with patient privacy regulations). Judd suffers from body dysmorphic disorder, a condition in which the patient has an overwhelming preoccupation with a slight or completely imagined defect in his appearance. We’ve been seeing him for several months. Although he is a fairly slender man with a fit-looking physique, Judd is convinced that he is not only overweight, but morbidly obese. He has consequently developed severe eating problems, frequently starving himself and then binging uncontrollably. He was depressed and socially thwarted by his condition. But we are making significant albeit slow progress. Leyner has actually developed a special relationship with Judd as he identified with his obsessive mirror gazing. Right now, I needed to cover for Leyner’s absence.

  “He’s attending the annual meeting on cognitive-behavioral body image therapy for body dysmorphic disorder in Kuala Lumpur,” I said. “He definitely would be here if he could. So how have you managed this week?”

  Judd tensed with frustration. “I can’t take it. Food is everywhere. I am haunted by Jared Fogle from Subway, Mario Batali, and Mary Kate and Ashley. Just when I finally can find a balance between starving myself and overeating, I hear Rachael Ray screeching about chicken livers and Cracker Jacks.”

  “Well, Judd, you need to find places of safety. Places where you can escape the pressures and find your own equilibrium.” I continue, “So let’s try something. Start with this office. Let’s make it your refuge. In here, there is no pressure. No Rachael Ray. No Wolfgang Puck. Nothing to resist, nothing to indulge.”

  Somewhat more relaxed, Judd responds, “That feels good. I like that.”

  At that very moment, Leyner bursts through the door clutching a large greasy brown sack. “Dude, sorry I’m late,” he says, as he voraciously tears into an overflowing bucket of fried chicken.

  Suddenly he stops eating and looks up at me, and then Judd, his brow knit with consternation.

  “This is wrong…I’m sorry…how could I?…What was I thinking?” he stammered.

  “It’s okay,” replies an ashen-faced Judd.

  “No, how could I…how could I eat fried chicken without…”

  He reaches into the sack and triumphantly pulls out a large oily container.

  “…without curly fries!!!!”

  Now totally pale, Judd shrieks, “But this is my safe place!”

  Leyner, without missing a beat, flings a half-eaten drumstick at Judd and snarls, “Buddy, how many times have I told you, the world is a gauntlet, a lifelong sadistic hazing ritual, a minefield fraught with agonizing death at every turn.” Saying this, Leyner begins shoveling heaping spoonfuls of tapioca pudding into his mouth.

  Judd, now beside himself with rage, begins to get up from the sofa.

  Seeing an opening, I intercede. “Judd, do you see our method? Can it be any more clear? The point we’re trying to dramatize here is that you can never effectively protect yourself from your own innate desires and feelings. You need to confront, honor, and sometimes actually indulge your fears. Like the anger you’re feeling right now. Throw that drumstick back at Leyner. And tell me how it feels.”

  He picks up the gnawed chicken leg and hurls it violently at Leyner’s head. Like a Frisbee-catching Jack Russell terrier, Leyner adroitly catches the drumstick in his teeth and begins to laugh hysterically, as tapioca spurts from his nostrils. “Man, that is refreshing, I can breathe again. Thanks, Doc.”

  Leyner strides from the office, inhaling and exhaling with great gusto and satisfaction.

  I watch his triumphant exit and turn to see Judd laughing along. Somehow Leyner’s unorthodox methodology has succeeded, and the now ebullient Judd just wants to know one thing: Why does food come out of your nose when you laugh while eating? This I can answer.

  IS IT TRUE THAT AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY?

  It certainly would be great to spend your money on apples rather than health insurance. Unfortunately, an apple a day will not keep you totally disease free, but there is some evidence that it can help.

  Scientists have done many studies looking for a specific chemical in apples that could prove this old adage. Quercetin, a polyphenolic compound (polyphenols are the antioxidant compounds found in red wine), is the compound most referenced for its curative properties. Qu
ercetin was found to help in lung and prostate cancer and to reduce the incidence of cardiovascular disease. Apples also contain other antioxidant compounds and fiber. The peel has the highest proportion of these antioxidants (almost five times greater), so definitely don’t skip the peel. There has also been some research that has found that apples help in fighting Alzheimer’s and breast cancer.

  Researchers in Canada looked at eight varieties of apples and found that Red Delicious and Northern Spy apples had the highest levels of antioxidant chemicals. This study left out many varieties that are also popular in the United States, so your favorite may still be good for you.

  It is no magic bullet, but hey, it makes apple pie sound more nutritious, right?

  DOES MILK CAUSE AN INCREASE IN MUCUS?

  This is definitely going to be one of those questions that will cause us some trouble. People insist that milk causes increased mucus and most don’t like it when their entrenched beliefs are contradicted by science.

  Milk does not cause increased mucus production. Several studies confirm the fact that milk is not the bad guy many “lactophobes” make it out to be. What these phlegmy people are probably feeling is milk coating the throat, causing the sensation of increased phlegm. When comparing milk to liquids of similar viscosity, there was no difference in mucus quantities. Whatever symptoms people feel should go away shortly after the coating dissipates.

  So, if you’re still feeling phlegmy or hawking up enormous loogies, don’t blame it on the poor hardworking dairy cows. They are just doing their job.

  IS THE RED DYE IN MARASCHINO CHERRIES REALLY BAD FOR YOU?

  Or do you suffer from erythrophobia?

  Erythrophobia refers to an abnormal and persistent fear of blushing, but also refers to a fear of the color red. It is not surprising that someone could associate the color red with fear. There certainly are a great many scary “reds”—the Red Scare of the fifties, communism, of course, redcoats, getting caught red-handed, being in the red, taking the red-eye, a code red, and red flags are just a few.